Single women are sure that the men have forgotten how to take responsibility, make decisions, and even become afraid of relationships. Why is this happening? Expert - head of the department of psychological rehabilitation of the City Center in the border states of the psychiatric hospital number 12, the host of "Psycho-environment" on radio RSN psychologist Catherine Sobchik.
Can you help a person fall in love?
Catherine Sobchik: - Perhaps it is a problem of today's generation, because I remember my youth, we had no problems - love. All the time we were in this state. The main thing - to find out what really is true love. It seems to me, any medal has two sides. Now our lives have come modern technology, I mean communication via the Internet. It replaces the real communication, and it is like the other, the negative side of the coin. I understand that history and progress can not and do not turn back. Communicating via SMS is now a special slang, which closes the opportunity to express real feelings, that is, everything is much simpler primitiviziruetsya.
I understand that is probably now look like an old lady, who said that before the water was wet and sweeter than sugar. But it is normal. Each outgoing to the new generation is very suspicious. But I still think that the issue of a new generation in this simplification. I do not remember in what the film was such a moment. A girl looking at mobile phone, says that it is impossible to describe the experience to SMS from Lake Baikal. Of course, this can only be done with words and looking into the eyes of the interlocutor. It requires some work of intelligence and soul. Love also requires some effort. And what does help falling in love? If there is such a need, it still happens.
We have a lot of single women, and statistics show that the country is all right with the relationship between men and women. How do you explain that?
ES .: - It seems to me that this is some sort of a temporary phenomenon. People who fall into this temporary cage, very unlucky. Businesswoman grow a huge teeth, to make a career, then no man in his right mind to such a woman close will not approach because, like it or not, man we want to see the femininity, weakness, without being ready to take on our responsibility . That is the paradox.
Now women are more courageous and feminized men, because the request does not involve the time of male behavior. All you can do with technology, using a computer. Previously, without a man in the house nothing could be done, and now there are a screwdriver, I myself can not tighten the screws, a man I did not need to. A man in this sense, necessarily need a woman, because now so many delicious food is sold and do not necessarily cook.
In general, the processes are weird, but I assure you, it is temporary, because the essence of the human will not go anywhere. There is the need for love in any person. You can not build your life on the traditional scenario: get married and die in one day without fail. Now, many women refuse the marriage, but it does not negate love. This is a completely different genres. Very well, when they match, it is a great happiness and luck. Very touching when you see the elderly, sincerely attached to each other.
Why do modern men are so weak?
ES .: - Weak men - this is a statement of fact . Please note, even in advertising, what sort of man? All with little sluggish podborodochkami, coyly-powdered, while they have muscles, but his expression contradicts this muscle mass . Yes, I have just said about this, there is a query time . If you now see a real macho man, he would look rather ridiculous against the background of our lives . Absolutely "male" man seems decorative . What to do with it? After all, what is the real man? Take, for example, for many years has shaken the image of women's minds Gosha from the film "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears" . Imagine suited to you now and say, gosh so that he will make decisions based on the fact that he is a man . Where do you send it? Away . So, you know, we create an environment together, the woman becomes rigid, and the man is easier when it does not make any decisions . The question was, why are they so poor? It is not a weakness . Men basically do not like to sort things out . For them it is the sort of thing a heavy, bulky and painful, so it's easier to tell lies . It turns out a paradox . The woman asks the question, for example, why a man out of it . Is it difficult to say that he has another? What woman then do with him? At least, this is one night agonizing conversation . First, she will pull the wires, navyyasnyaetsya enough relationships and then maybe let . Therefore, a man wants to avoid .
That is, it turns out that women are extreme in this situation?
ES .: - I do not like this sexual antagonism. As soon as the going more than two women, they talk about how bad men. As soon as the going more than two men, they say the same about women. I think it's useless. We need each other just because we - men and women - different. It turns out that we are trying to blame men for what they do not like us.
What do you think, whether age plays a role in marriage? It reflected the age of men and women on long-term relationship?
ES .: - In a sense, late marriages are more stable because people know better, can predict your own reactions, more soberly assess the other person, and then there is a very high motivation to start a family. In his youth, marriage - it's just a demonstration of love, and the idea of the family, as a rule, no. At a young age, especially, by the way, for men, is the legalization of stable sexual relationships, because, becoming a wife, a woman belongs to him at any time, and this is very important because the young man is very high sexual tension. And the fact that the family - is also a unit of society, and something needs to be done with it, he usually does not think. Therefore, most of these young marriages are unstable. In many people's lives is the first marriage of 18-19 years, which lasted only a year or so.
Personally you like the trend of marriage in a rather mature age?
ES .: - I have no right to anything at this point be considered. As it happens the way it should be. How You Can and You Can. If there is no severe destructive consequences (suffering children, division of property scandals), if it's just life experience, it is normal to live it. And each has its own story. But, of course, when they marry later in life, chances are that it will be the only marriage increases.
Does the age attitude to love?
ES .: - Of course, between the perception of love in the 17 and 40 there is a difference. At a young age there is more romantic, bright emotions, greater idealization. With age comes a "Leninist squint" when we begin to look carefully and study partner. On the other hand, if a strong sense of falls, then 37, and 50 which may almost be in adolescence. But it is - almost.
If you have this willingness to fall in love, you fall in love, and another thing, "what." This happens when the soul resides in this state predlyubvi. There is even a saying, "A man in such a state that can fall even in a lamppost." More or less indifferent to what this "object" because there is a willingness to fall in love.
Source
Psychology
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