"I am unhappy with my husband ..."

Psychologists working with the problems of family relations, there is a phenomenon as the difference in the perception of the partners in a difficult situation. Therefore, if a woman says that her husband suffers from a behavior, good thoughtful specialist will talk with the man and to meet with his vision of the conflict.

Known for his informative, accessible to the general reader of books psychotherapist Irvin Yalom suggested, I think, is the idea .  Professionals are often faced with the fact that similar, in which patients complain, carried out at the meeting was not the impression that the sum of the saddest stories .  One of my patient, 37-year-old M .  I asked for help, bringing himself almost to the extreme point of nervous exhaustion - in this condition may cause any stress is not that depression, but also much more dire for the psyche of degenerative disorders .  She told me that life with her husband turned into an unbearable nightmare - continuous scandals and hysterics .  What is the fellowship with her became unbearable, rude and shrill .  What does not understand and does not help .  Play about .  And so on .  In general, very sad, and many women are familiar situation of a family drama in the worst sense of it .  Unfortunately, smashing family .

But this story is also instructive. Because when we started cautiously deal with claims against the husband became apparent paradox: these claims often arise from dissatisfaction with their own qualities. A depressive endless tears imperceptibly transformed from a spontaneous reaction to stress in a way to manipulate and attract attention to himself.

Who, tell me, in sound mind and memory I want to experience a state of grief from his own humiliation and humiliating treatment? No one. Why did M., being independent, working young woman, and the day could not live without the sorrowful weeping self-pity? In its history it was a way to get the attention, respect and sympathy, which she needed. Very often, such a habit to respond to external challenges has its roots in childhood. In M. - when she was dissatisfied with something or hurt - my mother tried to "sweeten the pill", preparing for the daughter of lint or something ... And buying though M. husband accused of excessive brutality, she herself allowed herself at him very hard words.

It is very difficult to realize the fact that the ugly, wrong, we have condemned the actions of partners, causing our comments and criticisms against them - are manifestations of our own nature. What angry at her husband for his rudeness, the woman thus otzerkalivaet own fear for their imperfection, because of which you can lose a partner and stay one. And accusations of squandering hides dissatisfaction over the inability to control her husband. Yet Jung wrote that the protective reflex mechanisms of the psyche does not allow a person to make a complaint to him, so he throws them to the one in whom sees itself. A majority of women see their husbands themselves, women - so expect them adequate female nature actions.

And get depressed if they do not.

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