They say that modern men are afraid to marry. This is not true. Men are afraid of what will happen after the registrar's office. What would have to give way to aggressive pressure and blackmail, to obey someone else's rules to the detriment of their own, to sacrifice their comfort zone for the common good, perpetuated the policy of the dictatorship of one man. Women somehow call it a "compromise."
It is believed that a compromise - the basis of healthy communication between two (at least) different people. But the problem is that nobody really knows what it is. If you talk to women on this topic, you might think that this is nothing more than a business transaction. The agreement, to observe, mainly in the plane of commodity-money relations. Good barter. I like you - I told you. So be it, you go hunting with the guys, and I get a pair of shoes to the 8th of March. I'm going to walk the dog, and you're taking my mother with seedlings to the country. You deal with a child on Sunday evening and I do blow. And in the same spirit.
Of course, all this is also a form of partnership. But, in my opinion, in a way they are not too far removed from the banal blackmail. And the more they are used as a pair, the higher the risk that at some point they stop completely different from blackmail. And instead to communicate with each other partners will be manipulated. Full time.
Value compromise in this situation is reduced to zero. Because you are actually just can not figure out where is the compromise, and where - blackmail and manipulation. Because any noble swipe at a partner will be considered as an attempt to get something, first of all, to yourself. She says, take your child to kindergarten. He will say: Actually, yesterday I vacuumed. And she thought: what a nonentity - in advance take care of everything!
In general, nothing good comes of it. When relationships become the main driver of (I'll do it to you - and you for me it is), Motion, may occur, but only on the basis of the snowball. Terms multiply, and desire to do something good for the partner on its own initiative, for love, respectively, becoming smaller. At the same time it disappears and the desire to be close, to communicate normally, maintain.
On one of his friend, I shared this theory. She thought and said: "I do not agree with you. It really is a man. Selfish. In a pig. "
My friend has divorced. She says that in marriage she lived: pulling on itself 99 percent of domestic responsibilities, and on its own initiative took care of her husband, to care for, support and put up with a bunch of his bad habits. And in return, and did not get a fraction of that to give. And this lack of compromise in one day it completely ceased to hold. Now she wants the life of such a man, married with which she does not have all the time to make concessions. Now she knows her worth, and also wants to enjoy the fruits of others' efforts (at least sometimes).
What can I say? Firstly, when a person says that he is working and copes with everything entirely alone, he is either lying, or simply not used to see anyone around and does not see other people's efforts. Therefore, such a person always seems that a compromise is going it alone. And the point. To convince him of the error of judgment - hard and thankless work. His sufferings and experiences so global, that overshadow the simple things made by others. Women in this category are always unhappy in the marriage. They somehow come across some goats, but they are worthy of the intelligent millionaires.
Secondly, people are not equal in their abilities. It's not fair, but to take offense at this fact, do not care what offense on the snow in winter, and in summer - on green leaves. Such is the nature. Someone wrote brilliant music in five years, someone draws a circle without a compass, and someone can eat five cakes in a row and not getting fat, but it has no ears and hands do not grow out of the place.
Concessions, too, someone to go a lot easier. This provides ease of a flexible plastic psyche. Or education. Not the point. The point is not to be considered the property of compliance sacrifice. Because then you start to see himself as a victim, and this greatly complicates life. You can be upset to such an extent that you will not notice how leave depressed. Or, conversely, you start to claim compensation from a partner for its damages. In any case, the relationship will only lose.
But concessions - this, in general, also not compromise. So as a compromise - the choice of a better way to solve the problem from all available. For the two partners means that they listened to each other, and, if anything, and put forward the proposal, rather than a condition, much less ultimatums.
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